Snake and I have been talking that we are about at our two year kinkiversary. No, we don’t have an exact date because like most other things in our life, we just decided to make a change and did it. We’re the poster children for snap decisions–which, in most cases, turn out to be the right ones.
I have a fairly public persona that we actively protect when it comes to stuff “here” and “there.” It drives me a little nuts. When both of your personas are almost entirely online, not getting any kind of bread crumb between the two of them is, if we’re being honest, nearly impossible.
A slipped reference, a missed login… and, if we’re going to get technical, even speech patterns and style suggests enough, over time, to draw lines.
I hate that it’s a problem. I have to actively change my writing style. I have to work to use different browsers for different types of work. I have to hide my phone, then encrypt it, then password it, then put locks on applications that then prompt for logins. It’s absolutely ridiculous.
This whole thing of anonymity and not crossing the streams is just over-the-top silly.
The communication gamification post the other day prompted some nice comments, but one in particular has stuck with me all week. Trying to figure out how to explain a bit more about our dynamic (Charmer and Mine) and how it all works, without hanging her (or the commenter) out to dry.
Some background first that might help – Charmer and I have been married for a loooooooooong time. Like nearly 30 years. Together for even longer. [SSC: You mean we didn’t get married before we dated?] In that time, we’ve developed a pretty solid relationship, we’ve been through some really incredibly great highs and lows that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. OK, perhaps that’s not entirely true, I actually would like to wish some of them on my worst enemy, but that sounds bad, so I’ll just leave it at that. [SSC: For the record, I would totally wish them on him.]
Almost makes it sound scholarly, yes? “Attitudinal” – basically how to keep your head on straight when you have the chance to see how orgasms can impact your attitude.
My personal sweet spot is that span of time when subbie-mindset is in full swing and at the same time, I’m climbing the walls wanting to get playtime with Charmer. [SSC: Is there ever a time when that isn’t the case? I don’t remember any but they say that the mind is the first thing to go.] But I’ve come to learn too that that’s indeed impacted by those times when I’m allowed to have an orgasm, vs. those times when I’m denied.
Sitting here and waiting for breakfast to arrive while looking out at the Vegas strip. This has always been one of our favorite places to visit. When we were in college, it was only a five hour drive so we would come early Friday morning and go back on Sunday a few times a year. Of course, that was when we stayed in the $29 per night more-than-a-little-scary motels.
I never know quite what to expect from Charmer. It could be time to relax on the couch and catch up on some great shows, or could be, something much more intense. Once she decides though, it is pretty clear. 🙂 Let the games begin!
Over at the Male Chastity Journal, Lion wrote about “Can’t and Won’t” – and specifically how enforced chastity has applied to their lives. I thought it was really interesting to see the distinction between the two… and it got me thinking about how many things I’ve personally seen go from can’t to won’t to can to simply “yes, please.” It’s a different view on Can’t and Won’t, but it’s just how my brain works. 🙂
While this doesn’t apply only to enforced chastity, when Charmer and I started our journey, we sheepishly stumbled into chastity and I read up all I could. I tore through Thumper’s blog and I’m Hers and so many others. I read and studied (sorry, it’s what I do) and tried to learn what was fantasy, what was real. [SSC: Yes, believe me, he did. I think he would have done a report with citations if he thought that I would have read it. ] I wondered if it was really possible chastity and this new approach to being a couple could really have the impact these blogs talk about.
As most of you know, Snake has been caged and chaste since July 23rd. I decided that he needed an extended period of time locked to put him back into his subby mindset. He wrote about it here. Since then, he has one ruined and quite a bit of playtime with me on him, but no orgasms. The earliest date that he was going to be allowed to come was September 7th, but because of circumstances, last night was *the night*.
It started off as a pretty average Wednesday night around here. We went to our dance lesson, which we rocked, came home and had dinner and I had a bath. After the last two nights of being denied, I’m pretty sure that he was expecting it again last night. Have to keep the boy guessing…
I’ve seen a whole series of articles and posts going around talking about what’s required to be a Dom(me). Of course the articles are all about the fact that there simply is not a “one true path” to being a Dom(me) but more of a mindset that you make your own.
There is so much information “out there” that gives rules on what is, and is not, truly fulfilling that role. From what you need to be thinking to how you are with your partners and submissive partners. Needless to say, it’s all bunk. The only way this can work is if you make it your own. There are infinite flavors and infinite ideas on what you may find appealing. Need inspiration? Everything from Fetlife to amazing writers (looking at you Domme Chronicles and so many more) that talk about so many aspects of things to think about.
But that’s not what this post is about.
This is going to be a non-kinky post–sorry, guys. It’s a bit of an update and some random thoughts so proceed at your own peril…
Back in May, I mentioned trying to run. The challenge was an Army Bootcamp one and running was a huge part of it. I did it, but I hated it. And everything hurt. My body just really doesn’t like running. I can hike for hours. Snake and I do competitive dance so we take lessons and practice for 4-5 hours per week. Running and I just are never going to be besties.
Our Sinful Sunday contribution – “Retro/Vintage”
Years ago, Snake took pictures of me with this hat. It seemed fitting to use it in our retro feel picture…
Last week was off just enough to be annoying. None of it huge stuff, but it just added up like life usually does.
We own our own business and our daughter works for us. That’s a good thing for her and for us most of the time. However, when she isn’t happy at work, she has a tendency to come to me rather than Snake. Of course, I work from home and he is in the office. I try to sort things out without interfering (ha!). She wants me to talk to “Dad” and he expects her to behave like an adult and, yeah, you get the picture. So, there was that wonderful employee/family dynamic for a couple of days.
She was also recovering from an ear infection which just added to her unhappiness. And Snake and I were both feeling a bit of a drop from the previous weekend’s activities. Add all of it together and things were just stressful and annoying.
Saturday night we went dancing for a little while and then came home to watch relax with wine and TV. We watched several episodes of Sense8. Still have no real idea of what is going on, but really like it so far. And the rainbow-colored dildo from the first episode? Love it!
Anyway, Snake thought he would try to be pushy about playtime and I told him that he was being mouthy. He jokingly asked me what I was going to do about it. Seriously? I told him that I already owed him 5 swats with the paddle from a couple of weeks back. (I honestly couldn’t remember what he had done, just that I owed him the 5. Apparently it was because he didn’t undress when he came home.) He kept giving me a hard time, and as people following me on Twitter saw, I went off to deal with a mouthy sub.
We are still alive. Well, those of you who follow us on Twitter already know that, but for those of you who just read this… I know we haven’t updated for almost two weeks but we are still here.
We’ve been busy with work, dance and family but still have managed to fit in a couple of fun sexy times too. The one before the long holiday weekend I am leaving for Snake. He is working on a post which will touch on that so I don’t want to steal his thunder.
The holiday weekend was a downtime from the previous week and our daughter was here. We went to see movies and went out to dinner with friends. Daughter and I saw Magic Mike XXL on Sunday. Good times were had by all… gotta love that eye candy.
The beginning of this week was a lot of dance and Snake dealing with a big work project. Wednesday, however, I told him that he was leaving work at work that night. We had a dance lesson and then came home for some dinner and wine. He was trying to give me a hard time — he is a cheeky sort — and I finally told him that *I* was getting laid that night. He could choose if he wanted to be used or to enjoy it. I think he was a little surprised at my forwardness. 🙂
We had a pretty laid-back weekend, and, as is Charmer’s style, that meant that we also had lots of time to flirt and play. Again, I’ve learned new things about myself.
While we were lounging around on Saturday, for example, I found out that I have a smell when I’m denied and lookin’ for love. What? A smell? Talk about giving me a complex. She was just laying on my leg and grinning and I asked about what – she let me know. She liked the smell. Not like it was overwhelming (she says) or anything like that, just a pleasant sweet smell. I told her I was just pushing out pheromones to try to entice her into bed any way I could muster.
Last night was a further night of setting things straight. As we mentioned in the “reset” post, Charmer decided that things were just not where they needed to be, so she was resetting our D/s and FLR relationship. It included not coming for at least a couple (I suspect longer) of weeks, the chastity cage and some serious attitude adjustments.
Last night, she mentioned that she’d been building up a really strong Domme drive for several days. As we were driving out of the driveway for some things that we had to get done last night, she reached over, grabbed me by my cage and told me that after we got home, I was going to be restrained completely and she was going to torture and have her way with me. She couldn’t tell, but my cage was instantly full.
I had a hard time concentrating while we were out – it seemed like her Domme Eyes ™ were in full use all evening and each chance she had, she reminded me that I’d soon be locked in place for her entertainment. She didn’t disappoint.
Before he left for work this morning, I gave Snake the Father’s Day gift that he had asked for. I know I’m a couple of days early but I figured that our daughter wouldn’t want to see what he really wanted. And it seemed a little strange to wrap it up. Here’s what he asked for. After we had started our game, he wanted some variety and a larger one so he asked for the XL for Father’s Day.
I’ve been a busy snake of late.
With the game, the challenge prior to that, and Charmer’s good nature, I’ve been allowed orgasms on a very regular basis – sometimes to the point of torture (at least with ruined orgasms). You can read more about those in the other posts, but suffice to say, it’s been fun.
As everyone who reads our blog knows, I enjoy games and challenges. It keeps things interesting and Snake and I are ridiculously competitive. So, last Friday I threw down the gauntlet on another one. If you missed it, the challenge is here. Yesterday Snake posted the results and his experiences from the challenge. I thought you might be interested in hearing my thoughts and some ideas I have for the future. Here goes…
I don’t know if I mentioned it or not, but I really don’t like Scrabble. My brain fixates on letters (regardless of whether they make words or not) and I have a really hard time making anything more out of them. I can take FOREVER to come up with words. Like to the point where I think people start to leave to get beverages waiting. [SSC: No. We finish beverages, make more and sometimes finish those.] It’s not pretty.
Before I get into the results, you can play along if you like. Remember the challenge rules (here’s a link) – and then here are the letters I selected from the magical bag of Scrabble tiles:
It’s time for a new Snake challenge weekend! I told him two days ago that I had one planned and he is equal parts excited and terrified. Of course, I know that as soon as he saw Scrabble in the title, he is groaning.
During my daily scanning of hundreds of posts and pictures a few days ago, I came across this. I love sexual games, I love orgasms and I love Scrabble. But, of course, I have to put my own twist on things so I came up with the following game.
Since our Memorial Day game, we have had several people asking about the rules and points for our games. We have basically have two different modes for our game. One is a 14 day rolling window for Snake to accumulate points to be eligible for an orgasm. The second is simply challenges that I throw out for a specific period of time. If he reaches the goal on specific challenges, he gets to add to his point value for the 14 day regular game. If he doesn’t, he loses points from the game.
I was reading Thumper’s post today about “High Anxiety” and it really struck a nerve. A good nerve. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the impact of chastity and giving over control. Even with my recent issues with Edema, my mindset is still one of her controlling the whole orgasm side of things. I just wouldn’t have it any other way. We’ll get the device issues sorted.
He also talks about increasing concerns when Thumper and Belle are apart. I’m not a fan of anxiety, not at all, but this is an artifact of an intense and excellent relationship. All IMHO of course, but I wanted to throw my hat in the ring on his post because I feel many very similar things going on in my head/life/relationship and his post really gave my thoughts “legs. ”
Just a quick post to let you know what Snake will be doing this weekend. In celebration of National Masturbation Month, he gets to, well, masturbate. Within the rules of the game, of course.
We have an ongoing point game where he earns points with various “implements” and actions in order to get bonus orgasms. This is a mini game to allow him to add or subtract points from his tally. His running goal is 2200 points within the last 14 days.
Between tonight and Monday night, he needs to come 12 times. He has to do it in front of me and he has to keep his eyes open and on me. If he wants me to do it, he only gets half credit.
Back before I’d really started seriously into this lifestyle of FLR and Chastity with Charmer, I had read about people that had figured out how to control their orgasms (from the guy’s perspective). I thought it was fascinating.
I also thought it was the stuff of fantasy. No way.
We had be going at it for nearly an hour now. She’d managed to come several times and we were a hot, sweaty mess of lust. We have a standing rule that I can’t come, unless she says so, and I can’t ask. So she was using me, making me her toy, and I was there just for her.