Since our Memorial Day game, we have had several people asking about the rules and points for our games. We have basically have two different modes for our game. One is a 14 day rolling window for Snake to accumulate points to be eligible for an orgasm. The second is simply challenges that I throw out for a specific period of time. If he reaches the goal on specific challenges, he gets to add to his point value for the 14 day regular game. If he doesn’t, he loses points from the game.
Seems simple, right? Except Snake has been trying to write a page like the PA one where the game, rules and points are explained all weekend. He writes a draft and I read it. I run the game and I still couldn’t understand it. He added formatting because we thought that might help. He added a short overview in case people didn’t want to read a book. By last night, it became clear that it was trying to be too detailed. It was like writing Monopoly rules for some weird variation of the game that resembled Dungeons and Dragons. So, he is still working on it. It will be on the site soon, I promise.
On top of that, we had seen a couple of posts about orgasm control vs. orgasm denial. One in particular got us talking over the weekend. I know that a lot of the male chastity chatter online talks about orgasm denial. Lock them up and never let them out. I know there are a lot of men who write that they never want to come. I’m sure that some of this goes on, but it doesn’t work for us.
Our D/s dynamic is all about power exchange. Apparently I’m unusual, but I’m not a switch. I want to be in charge. I want to make the decisions. We talk, we throw ideas at each other, we have hard limits. We are married and respect each other. I am his wife, but also his Domme. It is how we work.
Because I am in charge, I control his orgasms. There are times when I deny his orgasms. No, you can’t come. If you do come and I’ve said no, there will be consequences.
On Saturday, I got a paddle in the mail. Daughter was there so it didn’t get opened until yesterday. We opened it and Snake was looking at it. He jokingly told me to bend over. I told him that wasn’t happening and told him to bend over. He gave it to me and I gave him a really light swat. He asked if that was all I had so I gave him a couple of harder swats. Nothing big deal because I knew we only had about half an hour before someone would be here. He wasn’t in his cage and got hard. Right away. Hmm…fun. I edged him a couple of times and then he asked if he could come. I said no, and proceeded to give him a ruined orgasm. Again, I’m in charge. I choose if, when and how he comes.
I’ve seen posts online that you are/aren’t a “real” Domme unless you do/don’t do x. I hate those. You can’t be a Domme if you have sex with your sub. Really? I’m pretty dominant when we have sex. It is my choice If I want to come while I am on my husband, that does not make me submissive. If I decide on the spur of the moment to give him an orgasm, it doesn’t make me submissive. Being dominant is who I am. No, I won’t be the same as another Domme. There isn’t a rule book somewhere. We are all individuals and bring our own desires and experiences to the table.
When we play, I decide if I want to come. Sometimes I just want to play with Snake. I want to control his senses. I want to try new sensations. I want to try new toys. I want to mark him as mine. I want his reactions. They are all mine, just like his orgasms. I choose what to give and what to deny.
In trying to reconcile all of these different things, the game, chastity control vs. denial, power exchanges and being dominant, I realized that I could sum up what I like in one simple sentence. Charmer gets to make the rules and Charmer gets to play.
7 Replies to “Charmer Gets to Play”
I am in compleat agreement. My post wasn’t so much about the top as the (generally) unintended consequences of prolonged enforced chastity. In my own case I’ve noticed that my refractory period has increased to more than a day. I can’t say for sure that it is due to chastity or just the stress caused by being out of work. But if you believe what others report, some changes seem to take place when we lose sexual control. The only “defense” to withheld satisfaction is reduced desire. That’s what I see happening.
I know what you were saying, but it got us on the topic of control vs. denial. I don’t want Snake to ever get to the point where he doesn’t want an orgasm. We both like to use the analogy of revving motors to get things going. It seems like orgasms seem to actually make Snake want to come more, not less. And since I want him to stay on edge, I don’t see the point of long waits.
I do think that it is similar to a muscle. When you don’t use it for a while, particularly in situations where the device isn’t removed for play, I think the desire wanes. We wanted to make our sex life more exciting so lack of desire wouldn’t work for us. 🙂
We feel the same way. That’s why Mrs.Lion edges me at least every other day and my waits are never more than a few weeks. Most waits are 14 days or less. Thank goodness! 🙂
It was like writing Monopoly rules for some weird variation of the game that resembled Dungeons and Dragons.
LOL – This is why we don’t bother with games, dice, darts, etc. I mean, more power to those people who geek out on game stuff, but I have enough to manage in my life; I really don’t care for points or whatever, and neither does Mrs. Edge.
And again, in her opinion, if she’s in charge, then she’s in charge. If you tell her that she has to wait until I accrue so many points, then in her opinion, she’s not in charge. She doesn’t like not being in charge.
The funny thing is that the game isn’t that complicated. These are the baseline things that you can earn points with. They were things that he was less comfortable with so it was a way to play with it. If you don’t do things that you’ve agreed to do, you lose points. He is a major nerd so the spreadsheet basically takes him no time at all to keep updated.
I would never play games with him that take too much time or thought on my part. I just throw out challenges when I think of them. The rest of the stuff just stays the same from day to day. 🙂 Besides, I’m still in charge and can change my mind whenever I want. So, if he doesn’t have enough points and I want him to come, he comes. I’m kind of bossy that way. Lol
We play by our own rules. I keep Rover locked up for days at a time. If I want to play then I take him out. If I want to have an orgasm, I will, there are times where I just like the feeling of him being between my legs licking and rubbing me. I choose whether I want to come or not. I love to edge him over and over again, but it’s my choice if he gets to have an orgasm. I have read many websites and blogs about D/s relationships and everyone says something different. So we make our own rules to live by that is best for our relationship and life.
We both enjoy our time together whether it’s him pampering me, talking, playing or punishment. When he’s not in “uniform” we area closer to equal, but he knows I am still in charge and my word is law. I agree, it’s about control, not denial. I would never deny Rover something that gave him as much pleasure as it does me. I enjoy seeing the relief on his face when I finally let him come. It’s as much a rush for me as it is him.
I get busy and lose my place where I left off back here. So I’m just starting with this one lol
I’m both sad and glad there is no rule book. I am glad because it’s important and intimate that we all make our relationships what we want them to be. Though sometimes knowing what the hell to expect would be helpful lol