TIL: Attitudinal Cycles and Subbie Head-Space

Almost makes it sound scholarly, yes?  “Attitudinal” – basically how to keep your head on straight when you have the chance to see how orgasms can impact your attitude.

My personal sweet spot is that span of time when subbie-mindset is in full swing and at the same time, I’m climbing the walls wanting to get playtime with Charmer.  [SSC:  Is there ever a time when that isn’t the case?  I don’t remember any but they say that the mind is the first thing to go.]  But I’ve come to learn too that that’s indeed impacted by those times when I’m allowed to have an orgasm, vs. those times when I’m denied.

It’s a bit like a tank – my subbie mindset is – where it gets filled over time, emptied by an orgasm, and must be tended to in order to get refilled.  I just wrote to Charmer on our private blog that I think the psychological schedule is something along these lines:

Day 0 – BOOYAH!  Orgasm.
Day 1, AM – horny as hell, raring to go, dangerously so
Day 1, PM – Interested, horny, but controlled
Day 2, UNMANAGED, likely frustrated at “this whole thing” (the cage) and what is wrong with me – lots of self-doubt BS
Day 2, MANAGED, starts stepping on subbie-mindset buttons to get things rolling that way again.
Day 3, Lull in the world.
Day 4, Subbie mindset fully-established, horn-dog in action as the undercurrent

Day 9-14, Subbie mindset continues, dull-roar (good) horn-dog a fairly constant thing
Day 15-23, Ups and downs, mostly  continuing day 9-14 stuff
Day 23+, frustration interspersed with more dull horn-dog.  Subbie mindset still in play, constant level, slightly increasing to a point

That day 2 thing is dangerous space for me.  I didn’t even realize it existed until Charmer started pointing out that, well, I needed to get my @#^@# together because it seemed to her like about 2 days after, I was essentially in a really crappy mindset.  That if I didn’t figure it out, she’d simply prevent the problem.  [SSC:  Was I really that nice?  I mean, yes, I was kind and understanding. Totally.]  Know how to get my attention?  That’s how.  I think I mentioned before too that comments here on the blog were something along the lines of “get that stuff figured out – it’s not ok.”

So I started paying attention.  When you’re in a denial/control arrangement, you have more…. opportunity… to recognize things that might be less apparent in a “full access” type of situation.  Over the course of a couple of months, the pattern is pretty darn clear.

Which stinks.  To think that these involuntary things go on is good to know, but I just feel like such an animal!

So I set out to understand and control it.  What I found was, it’s manageable and actually can be turned into what I love – that proper subbie mindset.

I have no idea what other people experience, or if anyone has had the chance to really observe it, but what I do that really helps is to first recognize it, then shut it down and push it into submissive stuff – from actions (doing things for Charmer) [SSC:  I like that part.] to re-thinking about playtimes to just not letting it get established and go down that rabbit hole.  It works.  It’s not even hard.  It’s just knowing and doing something about it.

So, today’s lesson – learn how I respond, figure out what I do and don’t like and then mold that response to be more in line with what I want to be.

Simple, right?

Does anyone else experience this (or some other) pattern?

7 Replies to “TIL: Attitudinal Cycles and Subbie Head-Space”

  1. Very nice post. I absolutely share an emotional cycle related to orgasms. For me, the entire day after I am horny and want another, badly. Day 2 I am not particularly interested. Day 3 and 4 my interest grows strongly and I truly want one. Day 5 is my peak. Day 6 is when I get “grumbly” and unhappy with the entire enforced chastity thing This can last through day 7. After that, my interest in orgasm diminishes slowly By day 14, while I want one, I am fine with no play or orgasm.

    Mrs. Lion doesn’t have the in-control attitude of Charmer. I wish she did. I think it is only a matter of time until she does. I have gotten better in day 6. Some very nasty spankings have taught me to suppress my grumbles. I still feel them, but shut up.

  2. I guess I am the outlier…for now…as I really only have about a 12-24 hour period of time before things get back to normal. However, I haven’t really processed it to the level you have so maybe I should. I struggle with putting the Steelheart back on immediately after with those “what the hell am I doing” thoughts. Once the key is turned, I know my next orgasm is at her pleasure. I don’t usually get a strong desire for an orgasm until around day 15 and beyond. It will be interesting to see what happens when I get back to her on the 7th. It will have been 16 days since my last orgasm with two weeks of freedom…?

    MrsL still has issues with denying me at times, and I have posted about that, but she is showing signs of adapting. When her true “I’m in charge” persona comes out with someone; usually at a store or other poor customer service situation, I will bring it up in later conversation. I let her know that I like when she is taking control in those situations…even get extremely turned on. She smiles and acknowledges my comments.

    We are growing and learning together.

  3. This reminds me of 1984:

    “When you make love you’re using up energy; and afterwards you feel happy and don’t give a damn for anything. They can’t bear you to feel like that. They want you to be bursting with energy all the time. All this marching up and down and cheering and waving flags is simply sex gone sour.”

    Not that I’m suggesting Charmer is an evil oligarchy bent on making you suffer just because it proves her power over you. Nope, not suggesting that. 😉

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