Category Archives: About

An “off” week at the Snake household…

We’ve just had an out-of-sorts week this week.  It started off with a misstep, which caused a misunderstanding, which moved on to a full-scale argument.  We rarely argue.  We bicker.  A lot.  We regularly call each other rude names in public and freak other people out who don’t know that this is our silliness.  We annoy each other like every married couple, but usually nothing really sticks.

Snake has a really slow fuse.  I am explosive but then it’s over in 30 seconds.  Our daughter is just like me and he is always amazed when we go from screaming at each other to giggling in no time flat.  It’s just who we are.  And our differences usually keep things calm because he just rolls his eyes at my rants and all is good.  I’m his sounding board so he rarely gets too angry.  When we start having hurt feelings and miscommunication, all bets are off.

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Not that anyone is asking me…

Most of you read our blog for our chastity and piercings escapades.  Fair warning, this is just pure rant… 🙂

I am rather opinionated.  🙂  Usually only my family and close friends get to (are forced to?) listen to my rants.  Believe me, there are plenty of them.  The news gives me constant fodder for giving my opinions.  The Internet is another great source.  I don’t usually share most of these opinions online because I hate the “me too” posts.

Our business is web-based so Snake and I spend a lot of time online.  We have had many years of experiencing the Internet in all of its good and bad parts.  In general, I think it has opened up pieces of the world to people and made it a better place.  I also think that it has given people the impression that they should opine on other people’s lives when it doesn’t affect them.

When I was in high school eons ago, I had a good friend who was bisexual.  It didn’t matter to me.  He was my friend.  He was so confused by the mixed messages that he got that he was constantly flipping from being gay to being straight.  He told me he had to pick one.  When I asked him why he told me that it wasn’t right to be attracted to both sexes.  At 17 I was the first person in his life who told him that it was ok.

I’ve been arguing for equal rights and gay marriage for over 30 years.  Yes, you can do the math.  🙂  I could never understand why it was even an argument.

Snake and I are heterosexual and in a monogamous relationship. This is who we are.  We are the “normal” couple.  “Aren’t they cute?  You two look like you are still so in love.”  We are very much in love but I think most of our Muggle friends would drop their teeth if they ever looked in our toy box or realized that Snake wears a collar under his shirt daily.  And, of course, is usually locked away.

I’ve given you some history to let you know that this isn’t a “revelation.”  I was raised that unless you were paying someone’s bills, you didn’t get much say in how they lived.  My marriage is strong.  Opening up the gates to other people getting married won’t affect mine.  But it affects so many other people and the attitudes affect even more.

Our daughter started questioning her sexuality at 12.  Not a surprise to either one of us. She was president of the LGBT chapter at her high school.  She has never hidden who she is.  She has had relationships with men and women.  She hates the label “bisexual” and refers to herself as queer.  I don’t label her as anything besides my wonderful and sometimes infuriating daughter.  She truly is an amazing person.  She is accepting of other people and their beliefs.  And yet, she has had so many ignorant and mean comments thrown her way.

Apparently, according to the masses, she just wants more people to screw (she’s actually been told this). She wants a monopoly on potential dates.  She can’t be trusted because she will have sex with anyone.  If someone asks her out, she has to be attracted to him/her because she is attracted to everyone.  Women don’t want to date her because she’s been near a dick.  Men have told her that she just hasn’t met the right man.  She’s too pretty for…I could go on for pages.  And most of these people don’t even know her or have any reason to care.

There have been a lot of nasty comments as responses to a number of blogs lately.  I’m not going to be specific.  The bottom line is that it isn’t right to push your beliefs on other people.  The comments are on sex blogs.  The people making the comments know what blog they are on.  If you are offended by it, don’t read it.  No one is forcing you to read them.  But, before you decide to rip into someone, maybe think about the fact that these are human beings with feelings and have a right to live their own lives as they see fit.  They aren’t being deceitful, they aren’t being promiscuous and they aren’t forcing you to join in.

They are also someone’s son or daughter.  And maybe, one day, it will be you having to console your child when people are cruel because of the way they were born.

What I’ve Learned So Far

I’m by no means an expert.  I look at where I have to go, and where others are, and I’m in awe of their devotion to their partner.  I’m Hers, Thumper and several others show just how important, and how hard, it is to be in the right mind set.  To be aware of the change in lifestyle, when you go the FLR/M route.

For us, it started as play time.  It started wanting to experience more and to try new things.  I’m sure over time we’ll get into the steps along the way to get where we are, and will be talking about where we’d like to go.  But right now, I’m fascinated by the changes to date in our now-33+ year relationship.

I’ve really struggled with the term “submissive.”  I’ve never seen myself as submitting – in fact I’m an alpha in nearly every bit of my life… except at home.  I don’t consider myself a switch, and I’ve come to understand a different kind of inner “peace” (how cliche’ is that?) with the /s/ side of me.  But still, that word.  Submissive.  It has such meaning – you “submit” to so someone by giving in.  You “submit” to someone for their approval, for their acceptance, for their OK to continue.

But with this lifestyle, and I’m talking FLR stuff at the moment, with a healthy dose of D/s, it is one of the hardest things for me to say about myself.  I’m a submissive.  Not in a “I’m less than she is” way, but in a choice way.  I am hers and I try to make things I do, for her.  I see it really as a license to invoke chivalry.  I love that thought.  The idea that I get to hold doors, put her coat on for her, take it off when she doesn’t need it, take care of her… it’s magic.

We continue to define how we interact.  In the bedroom, in our lives, in our hobbies.  The whole lifestyle has infiltrated most areas now (it’s been 16 months since we started in earnest, Thanksgiving-ish of 2013).  Decisions are hers, with input from me.  We love each other very much and are respectful, even when playing.  She’s a natural Domme and I have come to know and understand that I’m naturally submissive in so many of these areas.

This blog will be about all of that.  And more.  The mind games that come from it for me (and for her) are intriguing and fascinating.  Getting used to things.  Trying things.  Yes, submitting.  This blog will go into that, talk about those things, my experiences, hopefully her experiences as well, and try to share  just a bit about our lives in this corner of the universe.

~Steeled Snake