Sometimes, Surrender Is What It’s All About

Long week. Really long week. The ups and downs are real, and it just seems like they pile on sometimes – this was one of those weeks. I can feel the pull of it all, even though the day is finally getting close to being done, and the weekend is here. Time to reset.

She can see it in my eyes, even in the way I hold myself. It’s a battle to not just snap at little things but to stay in control. That’s what’s needed, I have to stay in control.

“Here’s to the week being done and over…” we toast with our favorite wine – and settle into our dinner and talk about the day.

Out of the blue, she stands up – “Please take care of the dishes and such for me. I have some things to do. ” It’s a little odd. Just the phrasing. The look in her eye, it’s a strange gleam.

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Heads or Tails?

Welcome to that land of nothing that happens here, leaves here. Ah yes. I usually am braced to see what happens – so many unexpected things, from the sexy to the musical to the foodie side of things.

“Do you have our coin? The one I gave you for travel,” she asks pointedly.

“Yes, yes I do,” I say. I pull it out of my suitcase and hand it to her, all shiny.

“Ah, thanks.”

She walks away.

“Um, what’s up?” I ask.

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There’s a Remote Chance…

“Do me a favor, please?” She says, turning to me randomly while we’re watching a show. “Of course!” I say.

“Could you please start and get my coffee ready, and Irish Coffee please, and start my bath water and come back and let me know when it’ll be ready?”

Weird way to ask, but sure. “Of course!” I get the water going, and get the bath started with a towel out and bath oils in. Weird timing, but other than that, I’m not thinking anything of it.

“Should be good to go in a few minutes…” I say, returning. I start to sit down, but she looks at me with this strange look. I stop. “What’s up?” I say.

“I’m going to need you naked with cuffs and collar on, please. Then return here.

I pause. “Now,” is all she says. And she goes back to watching the show.

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Games of Chance

I love a good game of chance. At least, in theory, I love a good game of chance. But it’s like impact play, really. It’s really hot to think about it. I don’t actually know why that is. But, then when the time approaches, I get very nervous and if I wasn’t careful, would excusify my way out of it happening. Then of course when it’s happening, well… instantly after, just… wow. Too many levels to unpack right this instant.

close up photo of a wooden roulette
Photo by Pavel Danilyuk on Pexels.com

There’s just a lot wrapped up in that.

These games of chance with Charmer are similar. I love the idea. I love the thought of totally random, unplanned games that can be everything from fun to super challenging.

When she walked out that morning and put down the dice, getting her tea, I pretended I didn’t see it. There simply wasn’t any other reason to wander out first thing in the morning with a D&D die – and I was now in that nervous stage, wondering what was up.

[Charmer: Ha. I wanted you to see it and wonder…]

Maybe if I ignore it, she’ll forget? Ha!

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10s Rule (Part II)

Read Part I here.

We’re less than a few minutes into this and I can feel that it’s this accumulation thing that is going on. I can tell it’s going to get harder and harder to keep my head straight, especially with the 10s break rule. It’s not a very long time, and I can already tell you that the internal… squeeze is going to get to the point where it’s not enough time to reset.

In fact, now only about 4 minutes in, we’re at that point.

Every edge we hit, I’m struggling to get back under control before things start up again, either by your hand (which, of course, is never late) or mine. Mine requires my head and body to get their respective shit together and recover… in 10s.

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10s Rule

“Could you please unlock your phone and give it to me? I need to borrow it… ”

Seems pretty odd, you have your phone in your hand literally as we speak. But I hand over my phone and look at you with that inquisitive look of “what’s up?”

You tap away a bit, then smile. “There,” you say.

“Where?” I ask. I clearly don’t understand.

You look up and grin. “I know how much you love me edging you. And I know how much I love watching you edge yourself. I also know how much you hate… performing for me. But, alas, that sounds like a YOU problem.”

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Just Hanging Out On The Edge…

One of Charmer’s favorite games to play are edging and denial-type games…that, of course, she makes the rules on.

And she’s quite the master at riding on that proverbial third rail, keeping things (er, me) just there, on edge. I have seen her maintain several in a row with less than 20 strokes between them, straight in succession. Well… “seen” is the wrong word. More like “experienced her… maintaining…”

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Scary Stuff

Scary stuff is a weird topic – it’s one of those things that I’ve really tried to wrap my head around, and have written about it a couple of times when it comes specifically to impact play and a few other things.

The basis? Well, why are we so intrigued by, and simultaneously terrified of, many of the different pieces to do with kinky fun? I mean, who can rationally think through stuff and go “I really like when that paddle impacts with me… or rather the aftermath.” No, your brain kicks in, and “WHOA there. That’s some scary stuff! That’s going to HURT! What is going on here?! Run!”

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What IS Success?

Today’s bingo topic is “Career Success” – I can tell you right off the bat, that I’ve come to learn that this means all sorts of things to all sorts of people, and, to make it even more interesting, I believe it changes throughout your life. What a weird opening.

It sure seems to be the case. We’ve had our share of ups and downs, some extreme peaks and valleys thrown in throughout. I’m not sure at the “highs” that I’d call it success, but at the same time, it’s hard to call all the lows failures.

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Cleaning Up the Garage

“This sucks!” I grunt, moving things around the shelves, getting dusty and dirty, and realizing just how bad I am at keeping the garage anywhere near the level of organization it needs to be. “I really don’t understand how, with how little we’re out here, things seem to move around, scrounge up all the dirt in the world and pile it on – in places that make no sense. Gah!”

You laugh at me. You know I’m frustrated, but you also know I have a point. Just how DO things get so disheveled when it’s such a low-use area. It really does seem like they have a mind of their own. Screwdrivers, sneaking around. moving paintbrushes and turning cans of oil over. You giggle to yourself again, walking over to me.

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Sometimes, Collaboration Gets… Out of Hand

I’ve been writing this post for a while now. I have this idea in my head, and I keep writing, putting it down in the post and then pausing to re-read it. It seems like every time I do, you just happen to be there sneaking a look.

We finally sneak into the room, avoiding crowds. It’s been an incredible dinner – so much amazing and tasty food – just enough that we’re full, but not enough that it’s uncomfortable. And that wine… it was perfect. We’ve been wandering the grounds, looking at the clear sky and all of the stars, and even catching some of the shooting stars that happen to be whirling by tonight.

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Sunrise, Sunset Bootcamp (2)

I really love these life out-takes. I learn, every single time, something more about how you’re thinking, and that whole “anticipatory service thing” we’ve read and talked about. I mean, it’s impossible, really, to know what you want and like until I’ve seen it. Tasted it. Done it.

But that’s also half the fun. Just when I think I’ve gone just far enough, that I don’t want to presume or whatever other excuse is on my mind, you up the ante or change the rules or just flat out stop something that has been a thing before, but now, simply won’t do.

Part 1

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Truth… or dare?

“What?!?” I ask… not really sure I even heard you right. Just out of the blue, sitting around binging that latest show, you turned and looked at me.

“I said, truth, or dare?” You hold my gaze, waiting.

I’m not sure I really want to play this game… In fact, I’m pretty sure I don’t want to. Let’s be real. My history with games, and getting any kind of a win, is pretty slim.

“I don’t suppose I can pass?” I ask hopefully.

You giggle. “Nope.”

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My Honor!

You stepped back toward me, “Could you please zip me up?”

“Yes, yes, I can. It would be my honor!” You look at me in the mirror with this quizzical look on your face, then start the smallest of grins.

“Oh, I like that.” You smile at me.

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