I try to think back to the very beginning of our relationship and pinpoint a time when there wasn’t a pretty distinct power exchange. I don’t think there was one even long before we knew “what” a power exchange was.
It really is at the center of us as a couple. Not a fantasy TPE where I tell him what to eat and when to sleep and all of that, but as a matter of course. We work better this way and take care of each other and our own pieces of life.
What does it look like? I’ve written before about our D/s and I don’t think we are really very different from most. We are married and that changes things from scene to lifestyle. We discuss things going on. He has opinions and thoughts and they are important to me. I love him and never want him to feel like those don’t matter.
I don’t make all of the decisions. In fact, sometimes I don’t want to make the decisions. If you remember The Love Boat, you will remember Julie the Cruise Director. That is NOT me. I don’t want to constantly be making plans to amuse the cruise ship.
Yes, there are days when we are going out to dinner and I want to go to a specific place. Or a movie or bowling or whatever. But, there are just as many times when I don’t want to come up with ideas. So, I tell Snake that he needs to decide on the restaurant.
So, of course, he just stepped right into that role without an issue, right? Nope. In fact, that has been a point of discipline several times on restaurants or whatever. I would tell him to decide and his response was to give me options. Nope. Full-stop. I just said that that you need to make the decision. I know he was trying to take my food preferences into account, but that isn’t what I wanted.
He takes care of a lot of maintenance issues that I hate to deal with. I CAN, obviously, but it stresses me out and he likes to take care of me. In fact, he would work 40+ hours a week at a stressful job, do everything at the house and be thrilled if I could never have to do anything. And that is where I come in.
Snake over-commits himself because he cares. But, there are simply times when I have to step in and do some of his usual things. This isn’t because he isn’t doing them right or within my timeframe. It is because I know him well enough to know when things are too much. He has always said that I bring balance to our lives and I feel like that is a huge part of my job within our dynamic.
That also carries over into sex and play. When I feel him overthinking and spinning, there is nothing like some intense play to center and ground him. His O’s are only allowed when I tell him so and he wears his cage probably 90% of the time. Playtime tends to be more edging centered for him but he still seems to enjoy himself. There is a peace that comes within him when he submits and just lets me play with him.
I guess, to me, our power exchange is how we deal with life. It morphs and adapts as life happens but it is always there for us to fall back on and ground us in our life together.