Glimpses of Sub-Space

I was surprised to learn that sub-space is a visible thing – I didn’t realize it until Charmer mentioned it in relation to a picture post she’d found.

I thought it was more mental, more in my head.  To think that you can see it.  Yikes. This whole thing really is a “laid bare” kind of relationship.  I think that’s a big piece of D/s — being OK doing that.  The letting go.  I think it’s required as part of it all, but I didn’t really expect it to be so clear or perceptible.

If you think about it, about BDSM, about FLR, it’s all about trust and releasing (or taking) control.  Yeah, yeah.  I realize it’s about power exchange.  But it’s more than that.  I never considered how it would be mental, physical and the combination.  I think those are really three different things.

I see the mental as willingness and the FLR changes in lifestyle.  I see the physical as trusting and being open to new ideas, new things and letting her completely drive all the different aspects of that, often in playtime, but at other times too.  And it can’t be “some” or “up to a point” (safewords aside), it has to be all-in. If it’s not, boundaries can’t be pushed, the Domme can’t be doing what she wants, etc.

But the “combination” is where the magic has proven to be.  When the physical is combined with the mental – things that we’ve found we like, things where she combines the sensations and D/s and control and such.  Those are beyond anything I thought possible.  I think that “combination” space is Sub-Space, especially when it’s deep and complete.

THAT is incredible.  I’ve also seen that she sees and feels similar things herself when I am there.  I see it in her eyes, her actions, her care.  Her attitude changes, her approach is different.  She is both really into it, and experiencing it at the same time.  It’s pretty amazing.

I feel so lucky to have us going down this road to discovering these things.


What I’ve Learned So Far

I’m by no means an expert.  I look at where I have to go, and where others are, and I’m in awe of their devotion to their partner.  I’m Hers, Thumper and several others show just how important, and how hard, it is to be in the right mind set.  To be aware of the change in lifestyle, when you go the FLR/M route.

For us, it started as play time.  It started wanting to experience more and to try new things.  I’m sure over time we’ll get into the steps along the way to get where we are, and will be talking about where we’d like to go.  But right now, I’m fascinated by the changes to date in our now-33+ year relationship.

I’ve really struggled with the term “submissive.”  I’ve never seen myself as submitting – in fact I’m an alpha in nearly every bit of my life… except at home.  I don’t consider myself a switch, and I’ve come to understand a different kind of inner “peace” (how cliche’ is that?) with the /s/ side of me.  But still, that word.  Submissive.  It has such meaning – you “submit” to so someone by giving in.  You “submit” to someone for their approval, for their acceptance, for their OK to continue.

But with this lifestyle, and I’m talking FLR stuff at the moment, with a healthy dose of D/s, it is one of the hardest things for me to say about myself.  I’m a submissive.  Not in a “I’m less than she is” way, but in a choice way.  I am hers and I try to make things I do, for her.  I see it really as a license to invoke chivalry.  I love that thought.  The idea that I get to hold doors, put her coat on for her, take it off when she doesn’t need it, take care of her… it’s magic.

We continue to define how we interact.  In the bedroom, in our lives, in our hobbies.  The whole lifestyle has infiltrated most areas now (it’s been 16 months since we started in earnest, Thanksgiving-ish of 2013).  Decisions are hers, with input from me.  We love each other very much and are respectful, even when playing.  She’s a natural Domme and I have come to know and understand that I’m naturally submissive in so many of these areas.

This blog will be about all of that.  And more.  The mind games that come from it for me (and for her) are intriguing and fascinating.  Getting used to things.  Trying things.  Yes, submitting.  This blog will go into that, talk about those things, my experiences, hopefully her experiences as well, and try to share  just a bit about our lives in this corner of the universe.

~Steeled Snake