Glimpses of Sub-Space

I was surprised to learn that sub-space is a visible thing – I didn’t realize it until Charmer mentioned it in relation to a picture post she’d found.

I thought it was more mental, more in my head.  To think that you can see it.  Yikes. This whole thing really is a “laid bare” kind of relationship.  I think that’s a big piece of D/s — being OK doing that.  The letting go.  I think it’s required as part of it all, but I didn’t really expect it to be so clear or perceptible.

If you think about it, about BDSM, about FLR, it’s all about trust and releasing (or taking) control.  Yeah, yeah.  I realize it’s about power exchange.  But it’s more than that.  I never considered how it would be mental, physical and the combination.  I think those are really three different things.

I see the mental as willingness and the FLR changes in lifestyle.  I see the physical as trusting and being open to new ideas, new things and letting her completely drive all the different aspects of that, often in playtime, but at other times too.  And it can’t be “some” or “up to a point” (safewords aside), it has to be all-in. If it’s not, boundaries can’t be pushed, the Domme can’t be doing what she wants, etc.

But the “combination” is where the magic has proven to be.  When the physical is combined with the mental – things that we’ve found we like, things where she combines the sensations and D/s and control and such.  Those are beyond anything I thought possible.  I think that “combination” space is Sub-Space, especially when it’s deep and complete.

THAT is incredible.  I’ve also seen that she sees and feels similar things herself when I am there.  I see it in her eyes, her actions, her care.  Her attitude changes, her approach is different.  She is both really into it, and experiencing it at the same time.  It’s pretty amazing.

I feel so lucky to have us going down this road to discovering these things.


One Reply to “Glimpses of Sub-Space”

  1. My partner and I have been playing for the last 6 months. I have always been more dominant in relationships but never to this extent. I have learned a lot and really enjoy it. He has always wanted to be a sub but never found anyone who he could trust to discuss it with. We’ve known each other for 7+ yrs and have had a sexual relationship for 5 of those on again / off again.

    I have researched many different aspects of the lifestyle and found that I always had dom tendencies just didn’t have the right partner. He has also taught me a lot. My issues now are I’m still learning and still don’ t feel as comfortable as I would like to be. I am getting better each time, so I guess it just takes time.

    I found your & Charmer’s blog and really enjoy reading it because there are so many similar things in our relationship that you both talk about.

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