It seems like so many posts on FLRs focus on reasons and mechanics instead of the relationship piece.
There are countless posts about how the man is looking to take a break from the responsibilities of life and not have to make decisions. Honestly? So are a lot of women. Decision fatigue and burnout are definite things for everyone right now.
Or, the man wants to be taken care of so he seeks out a submissive role. Again, both should be taken care of in a relationship.
Yes, those are the stereotypes. There are others, but those tend to be the top two. And, yes, stereotypes exist for a reason. Many people seek an FLR as either side of the equation for one of those reasons.
Sometimes, though, it exists without kink. For example, my parents had an FLR. They would never have used that term, but my mom was in charge. The funny thing is that it was first and foremost a relationship. They communicated and they each were heard. Sometimes, gasp, my father’s idea was the one that was used. Because it was the right decision for the two of them. There was, however, never a question of who ran the house and the family.
Another FLR? Snake’s family. And it wasn’t kink-based either. It also was a relationship where ideas were discussed before a final decision was made. I can guarantee, though, that Snake and his brother never considered that their mother was not the one ultimately in charge.
We have always had an FLR. It has been kink-based and it has been non kink-based depending on our time of life. It’s never been a case of Snake trying to abdicate responsibility or “just be taken care of.” There have been times in life when I’ve taken on more responsibilities or he needed care. You know what? There are times when he’s taken care of me too.
It’s first and foremost and constantly a relationship. We are married and respect each other and communication is what drives us. We love to talk and wrestle with ideas. And I never want him to feel like his thoughts and feelings aren’t important and considered.
We also have a D/s dynamic in our relationship. It covers the kink aspects of our life as well as some of the vanilla pieces. The FLR and the D/s co-exist but each has its own piece in our life.
So what’s the point, Charmer? Lifestyle D/s and FLR look different for everyone. Limiting the view to stereotypes does a disservice to the people who aren’t looking for a niche. There are as many reasons for an FLR as there are FLRs in the world. And each one is just as valid as any other as long as it works for the people involved.
Wow, what a great post, and how well you have said it.
“It’s first and foremost and constantly a relationship. We are married and respect each other and communication is what drives us.” – this is how it should be, and how it was for us, and this: “We also have a D/s dynamic in our relationship.” which is why the D/s couldn’t carry on due to circumstances, all that changed was that (for now) there’s no kink in our life.
~ Marie xox
All of the hugs for your circumstances. I love, though, that your relationship is always first. It comes through in all of your writing and that’s why I love reading it.
Xox
Have you talked to your parents about a possible FLR relationship?
Who knows, maybe there was more to it than what you witnessed as children.
I’m sure there wasn’t. They are all gone now, but being the only child and having to clean out the house, I know I would have come across something that would have pointed in that direction. And let’s just say that it would not have been in his mom’s interests at all. Lol.