Scary stuff is a weird topic – it’s one of those things that I’ve really tried to wrap my head around, and have written about it a couple of times when it comes specifically to impact play and a few other things.
The basis? Well, why are we so intrigued by, and simultaneously terrified of, many of the different pieces to do with kinky fun? I mean, who can rationally think through stuff and go “I really like when that paddle impacts with me… or rather the aftermath.” No, your brain kicks in, and “WHOA there. That’s some scary stuff! That’s going to HURT! What is going on here?! Run!”
I listened to a podcast that says that learning happens at the edge of ability, and just beyond the comfort zone. Funny though, those are both places our brains don’t really like to go, and yet we’re looking to combine them and learn from the experience and fully be there TO experience it.
I think that’s what makes it so scary. We’re not in a crashing plane, suddenly faced with learning to fly it and land it, or not, for survival. We’re in a kinky, sexy, fun space where we’re choosing to do, or be okay with being done to, some things that live squarely on those edges. Things we’ll learn from, sure. But man oh man.
Rationalizing that desire, those feelings after, those feelings before is just crazy. Adrenaline, imagination, drive, caring about the other person, and wanting to learn yourself and for them to experience it. All of those things pull you forward.
I think too that this whole “barrier” thing – of needing to be beyond those proverbial lines – might be exactly the reason we’re always wanting more. More – harder, longer, faster… whatever it is. Once you’ve experienced “X”, you seek out that exhilaration of going out on that limb again, of pushing the limits. But, of course, if you do the same thing all over again, it won’t be out on the edge, you’ve already been there, done that.
So… scary stuff it is. I have to chase it. Face it. See what it brings me. See what it brings my partner. See how I like it (or don’t) and find out if I want to continue. That scary adrenaline and the pressure to experience it (be it my own pressure or my desire to give that to my partner) is a big draw forward to get over the hump.
Things that have certainly made ME go hmmmm…. and many times seriously consider backing out:
- Sounding (as in she does the driving, so to speak)
- PA Piercing (and locking with it)
- Impact play
- Electrical zappy play
- Stricter bondage
There are others, but I have to say, short of something that causes physical harm, I’ve actually never regretted any of it. Sure, I like some more than others, so will you and your partner probably. But at the same time, I truly believe on a couple of things I’ve chickened out of for whatever reason, I really do believe I’ve USUALLY come to regret it. I mean, you can try it, safe-word if you want, stop if you want, whatever. It’s all good. But you’ll literally never know until you try that scary stuff.
Of course, you may find, like mentioned above, that once you’ve done part of it, you want more, want to push out those boundaries just a little bit more (or a lot).
And that’s pretty fun and adrenaline-pumping too!