A decidedly non-sexy post, but certainly have learned a lot on that front as well.
2021 has been brutal, awful, intense, crazy, wild, all of those things, up and down, for so many people. It’s hard to over-state the impact this time has had of course, and we certainly didn’t escape the roller-coaster either. From the societal changes to the loss of loved ones to changing relationships with friends and family and so much more.
I think, for me, it’s left me scratching my head as much as not. It’s left me looking for anchors and thinking about all these things I thought were core pieces of life, that simply aren’t. From people to expectations to ideas to goals.
It’s not all negative. It’s change. It’s reacting to getting things, or not getting things, through the wringer as expected. I think the biggest thing pre-Covid was that you felt like you could apply a fighting chance to something if you wanted it, I mean, really wanted it. You could do everything in your power and quite possibly change the outcome to something more like what you were looking for.
I think this was true of work, of personal life, of relationships and friends and activities and just the stuff of life, even down to groceries.
You could do the extra work and steps, you could influence where things would go. How they would turn out. Maybe not full control, but surely strong influence.
That’s been all tossed out the window with all of this stuff going on (waving my hands wildly in the air). I mean, for Pete’s sake, you couldn’t even get a piece of furniture because the padding supply chain had broken so severely that timeframes were basically washed out. And there wasn’t a single thing you could do about it.
Or, well, anything that went sideways – and sometimes, the weirdest of things.
I do have to say, our collective adult-toy habits were sustained quite nicely, but I suppose that’s a different story (not taking into account shipping weirdness).
But here’s what I have begrudgingly learned in all of this. That there are lines in the sand, that you cannot control everything over those lines, that some people will come and go in your life, that some things will come and go in your life, and it may be completely out of your control. It just happens.
It’s so very cliche, but the whole serenity prayer thing – “…to know the things I cannot…” change is really a big takeaway.
I’ve learned, too, to lean very, very hard on solid relationships. People that stick around, that are cores to life. Your partner(s), your key friendships. These things are sort of refuges in the storm, and keep you grounded. You hear people say “so and so is my person” – and boy that’s the truth. Your person needs to call you on your stuff, you need to call them on theirs. You need to be there to remind each other that “this, too, shall pass” and to take it slow.
So what have I learned in 2021? I’ve learned to pull back, bide my time, let things that I can’t truly influence fall where they will (much, much easier said than done), and hold on to those bits and pieces, and the people, that actively stand by you. I won’t say to withdraw into them, but when things get really out of control, it’s a saving place to be.
One of the things that I’ve come to lean on is our D/s. I know Charmer has my back, and I have hers. I know that we can take time for ourselves and play or just be in that mode in the moment it’s recharging and grounding. It’s weird to think. And it doesn’t have to be elaborate, but it pulls us out of life a bit, gets us re-focused, and re-tuned-in, and gives a handhold on all of this (again with the hand-waving).
I’m not perfect at that process. Sometimes I can’t see it for the trees – whatever is going on is just too much and I really struggle. But those are the times when your team can step up, grab you by the shoulders and shake you back to reality.