I’m an all or nothing kind of person. I don’t know if it is astrology (Scorpio), autism, wanting my own way or all of the above.
There is no balance,David Choe
All or nothing
My libido is also that way. Either it is here or it isn’t. It’s like a strange switch that just shuts off for no particular reason.
Sometimes there is a reason, of course. Life getting in the way of my sexy plans turns off the switch. If I have plans and they don’t go the way that I want because of outside forces, I am not good at adjusting to a lesser idea. I just don’t want to do it.
This past year has hit that switch a lot more times than I wish it had. Work became crazy and it impinged on our time. Add to that the inability to do most of our “normal” things and it was a drain on my, and his, libido.
Life was just exhausting.
The best part of my libido, though, is that it’s a little like a pump. Once it gets primed, it’s ready to go and it keeps going.
If I ignore it, I just don’t think about it. It isn’t even something that crosses my mind most of the day. The problem is that I always know when that is going on that it doesn’t quite feel like me.
It becomes easier for us to not do things because, of course, it is always easier not to do things.
We start losing our connection and little things become big things. And that’s when we realize, duh, guess what we haven’t been doing.
The first few times after I have a slump, it’s more of a challenge to get going. It’s like my body is still asleep and needs to be woken up. Snake, however, has proven to be quite proficient at getting things moving again. And once they are? It’s easy to keep going and I want to do more and more.
As much as I’d love to think that at some point I will get better at just shrugging off life and continuing on as if it wasn’t a big deal, it probably won’t happen. I do try–my brain just doesn’t ever want to cooperate.
But in the meantime, we’ll keep priming the pump and starting again.