Core Sub Issues

It’s funny, really. I read the posts about things on the /s/ side of life and they really strike a chord with me. Like this post, by Domina Jen. The post isn’t supposed to be about /s/ types, it’s about Dommes and the responsibilities and coolness associated with that, but there it is again – the weirdness associated with being a Man-sub. (Is that a thing? Ya know, like a man-cub, but… )

At my core, I have a LOT (like A LOT) of service /s/ tendencies. It fits here in this thing we do really well. The fact is, I just love running stuff, love getting things done, and love applying all of that in the form of taking care of things for others. Frankly, I never thought about it all as being a “service” or “submissive” streak, just that I like to make stuff happen for others.


(You knew this was coming)

This stigma with submissive dudes is something that eats at me far too much. You’ll see something on TV, something on the street, or just read it somewhere and there it is. “Less than” or “Not as good.”

But, to me, (YMMV) this isn’t the case. To me, a submissive chooses to submit. They may not submit to everyone, all the time. It may be sexual. It may be bedroom. It may be in life. It may be all of the above. It may be a single person, and dominant to others. But that streak is kind of a big deal, IMHO.

It’s a big deal like being a Dom(me) is.

To submit is to give control, being a Dom(me) is to accept it, and the responsibility that comes with it. That control can be specific, or general, but that’s the handshake.

I love my /s/ side. It’s indeed not “everyone everywhere” but the key relationship – yeah. It drives it. It gives structure and refuge, for both of us. It gives a retreat that is just us – her Domme side, my /s/ side. It gives us guideposts in the wanderings of our life, and it brings a unique edge to all of this that we do.

It’s evolved over time – I’ve found that the /s/ side of me is indeed not all about “everyone everywhere” but it’s something I share and embrace when it makes sense. On the other hand, I’m at my best with Charmer when it’s everywhere, all the time.

It has made me see things from a different light, and certainly has opened all sorts of things on the sexy-time front. There are more things that I can count that have happened, that we have explored and found that simply wouldn’t have happened in our prior setup.

I’m happy to say the D/s side of things is a core thing for us. It’s something that has given us the excuse to re-examine every little detail, tweak things, try things, approach things differently between us. None of this is to say it’s “Better” than whatever flavors work for others, just that it came along at the right time for Charmer and I, and that we’ve found great calm in the restlessness of life in the D/s applied to us.

Geez, that’s deep.

Wicked Wednesday… a place to be wickedly sexy or sexily wicked

4 Replies to “Core Sub Issues”

  1. deep but factual. like being a man sub is something. i never thought of it until i started reading about BDSM and FLR and realized it is at my core. probably ruined my marriage but it is life.
    Thanks for your deep thoughts for me they are spot on and You are forutunate to have found Charmer.
    may your relationship continue to grow and give You both happiness

  2. I love deep and thoughtful. It shows how strong you are in what you believe and enjoy. You both get from it what you need and that is wonderful!
    K xx

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