As I was catching up on blogs after our trip, I happened to catch this post that I had missed. It’s 3 Real Questions People Ask Google About Dominants, Submissives, and D/s by Kayla Lords who I find an awesome blogger.
The first question was asking are dominants nice to submissives. Well, obviously, it depends on several things. What is nice to one person might be torture to another. Also, do you mean constantly?
I think I’m nice to Snake. Mostly. But we’re married and honestly I can’t say that I’m nice 24/7/365. I get grumpy. I get hangry. I overheat and snap. And that’s not including the D/s piece of our life.
Is marking him nice? I mean, he likes it. The marks are a reminder of us and what we are to each other. But for someone else, that might not be so nice. We do impact play and I am certain there are a lot of people out there who wouldn’t think that is nice.
It’s all about consent and trust and communication. And being in a relationship that comes with expectations that fall outside a vanilla dynamic.
Question two was can a dominant fall in love with their submissive. I sure hope so!
Snake is my person. He’s the person who makes me feel better when I am down. He’s the person who makes me giggle with the most ridiculous dad jokes. He takes care of me and lets me take care of him. Our marriage is strong and allows all of the D/s components to be explored more fully.
That said, it obviously doesn’t have to be that way. There are plenty of people who have a very fulfilling D/s without that love. There is no one “right” way. There is only the right way for each individual and sometimes it means love and sometimes it doesn’t.
Last question was what do I say to a dominant to turn them on. Which dominant? When? Lol.
Dominants are not a pinball machine that you put in your quarter and get to play. Saying one thing might turn one on and might completely turn off another. And saying the thing might turn one on today and might completely turn them off tomorrow. We are humans just like you. There is no Magic 8 ball response.
Communication is the key to all of this. Ask someone, dominant or submissive or switch, what they want. It doesn’t mean you have to do it or like it either. That’s also part of the communication. None of this works without that.
Loved this from the inspiration post:
If you want to find the right words to turn on anyone, get to know them. Learn their kinks. Pay attention to them. And then speak from the heart…not from some “erotic” script created by a search-engine compiled list of words designed by our AI overlords.Kayla Lords
Now I may have to dig into our search terms and find out what search terms carry people to us….