Near Misses and Kink Orbits

I’ve been thinking a lot about how D/s and all of this has woven into our lives – it’s a huge piece of our responses, our reactions to thing that happen in daily life. And, you also see it literally everywhere in the kink space – from Fetlife to Twitter and other spaces. People lean on their D/s side, their kink side, to help right the ship of life when things get choppy.

I’d never realized how much I rely on it until our recent couple of posts from Charmer and Me about our perspectives on D/s lifestyle things. The fact is, for me, for us as a couple, I’d say, it really has become a thing of survival more times than I had noticed.

That sounds overly dramatic, I get that. But if “kink” and the whole D/s thing is your “real” self and requires you let go, pull yourself into it, it’s possible too that it’s your true self, and the one that can respond and react to life, or put up the necessary walls against the things of life, that you need to survive.

For me personally, I lean heavily on the structure and overall guideposts that are put up by our FLR and D/s life. It’s kind of my happy place, but that is too trivial. It’s my calm place. It’s where and who I go to reset and get a better handle on life.

My other life has many of the same bumps and bruises as everyone else – work, money, family, all of that. Sometimes, it all caves in at once and is just incredibly stressful. Other times, it rolls right along, having little blips of stuff that has to get dealt with.

But in those times when the world is fighting itself, for me, my mental space puts on the kevlar vest and resets in that D/s space. Charmer will step in and help reset. I like to think I can help her do the same as well. But we’ll retreat to us, to the D/s framework. Decisions get made. Directions chosen. Action taken. We drop into this space that is very, very “small” in the world and we deal with whatever is happening.

I’ve noticed, in these times, when we’re at our best, it’s heavily reliant on our dynamic being in full play. Not in a “oh man, I had a crap day, go get your leather on!” way but rather almost an aftercare mode. Sounds weird to write it that way, but the person on the receiving end of the shit storm is helped with listening and/or ideas and the structure of us, to execute and take back control.

Truly, it’s become a thing of anxiety-survival, of pushing those life meteorites into the “near miss” category and out of “emergency” mode. The structure of the clear authority and expected actions makes it all become a much more structured situation that we can attack and beat back into submission.

See? There’s that D/s thing again! 🙂

5 thoughts on “Near Misses and Kink Orbits”

  1. Thanks for sharing. D/s does the same for me. Knowing there is structure and security in that space at home allows me to reset after a chaotic day at work – and right now there are more chaotic days than calm…

  2. I loved this post so much. I’d be lost without having my kinky self to lean on when life get’s a bit chaotic. Thank you for sharing such a fabulous post with us for #F4TFriday, wonderful words x

  3. You have put into words what I have often thought. what ever the nature of a relationship – how ever it truly “falls” is where you will go to when times get hard, – well that is how it should be. It is wonderful haven from the noisy world – lovely post – TY for linking to F4tFriday 😉

  4. I love this post, and I love your perspective on the dynamic, and how it works between the two of you. I totally get this, and how it make you feel safe and protected, and pulls you away from anxiety.

    Rebel xox

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