I always see these checklist of stuff that people (may) like to do, be, participate in, have done, whatever. I’m sure you’ve seen them – my favorite was a Periodic Table of Kink where it showed, by “type” different things people may be interested in. My OCD loves that it’s broken into the different areas and ideas.
But, of course, as soon as you start really looking, you find that there are so very many things (let alone Rule 34) that people like to do. You can see this on Fetlife too – 1000’s of kinks, from situational to objects to every combination you can imagine.
Yet, when you look through them, you see this or that that is intriguing at least, and you start classifying them as “intriguing, but nope” and “intriguing, but how?” and so-on.
I think I finally figured out my core kink™ – the thing that drives it all. It seems like it’s behind just about everything that’s been tried in my life – from sounding to bondage to submissive stuff to chastity devices to pegging… All of it.
For me, my kink is Trust. Isn’t that strange? I mean, to me, I really thrive on trust – not in a “I trust you to run to the grocery store” kind of way, but in a “I trust you to do that thing, and I’m ok giving you control…”
It’s like when we tried sounding (here’s a look at that one) – and this bit:
So it came time to give it a whirl. We did. Yep, WE did. I had reclined on the bed, all ready to go and there’s Charmer with the case. I reached for them and… well, suffice to say she had this excited, perhaps a bit sadistic, enthralled look on her face. She was having NONE of me doing it. This was her party.Steeled Snake: Kink of the Week: Sounding
That trust is a big deal.
That’s totally hot.
I never really thought about trust as being a kink. I know I needed to trust someone in order to do nearly anything in this realm, but I never realized it was a core component to things before they get interesting. It lets me drop my guard, lets me be me, lets them be them. Totally gets my juices flowing, so to speak.
I know, you have to trust the person you’re with, and that’s super important. If you say stop or slow down or no (or yes) or whatever, that is extremely critical. But this is more than that. This is more than knowing they’ll do the right thing, more in line with knowing that you have a connection and can lean into that connection that they’re in the same headspace with you.
It’s like a switch that flips on. It’s like a turbo boost.
With it, I’ll try nearly (!) anything. Without it, I’ll stay in my comfort zone.
6 Replies to “Finally Figured Out My Kink”
I feel so uninformed, uneducated, and primitive sexually after studying the kinky chart of kink creation. I think you are wonderfully insightful in identifying trust as another primal kink. You really have given me a lot to think about as I examine my life and relationships. You’ve taken my breath away. Moxiedavid
Trust as a kink… I have never thought of it that way, but indeed, trust is very important to me too, and without trust, nothing else will ever happen.
I’m not sure I’d ever think of it this way without reading your post, but I agree…trust as a kink. I have very specific kinks, sure, but at the core of my being, I need to trust my partner…nothing can happen without it. Hmmm, yep, trust may be one of my kinks, too. Thank you for this. 🙂
Glad you liked it. Was a bit of an odd realization.
I totally get what you’re saying. Being able to trust someone enough to be vulnerable with them emotionally and physically is a massive turn-on. Thanks for sharing! 😉