One of the things Charmer and I do to help in the communications area is to journal to each other every weekday. We have a private blog that we write posts on to each other. Mine are due by noon and hers include feedback and responses to mine, plus her own thoughts. It’s been an excellent tool, in a private, passworded forum.
One thing is abundantly clear. I overthink. And then I overthink some more. If you read my posts, you’d see that I’m constantly in a place where I’m asking things like
- Why does FLR feel “right?”
- Why does the chastity device cause goodsubbie feelings?
- …and why does that feel “right?”
- Why do I want to do X, Y or Z?
- Is liking the /s/ mentality a weakness? Strength? Is it OK?
- Why would someone do that?
- Why does this feel “right”
- What is causing such a strong draw to understand this thing or that thing?
It’s constant. From my feelings about D/s to how the FLR works to play time, I’m the one constantly trying to figure out the WHY or the feelings behind it. So much so that I’ve taken to exclaiming “(GAH!)” every time I write “the way I feel about this is…” It’s actually getting kind of comical. Charmer is left to remind me over and over “Does it matter why? Just let it be and go with it!” Not that she doesn’t care, not at all, just that I need to learn that some things just… are.
For example, if you’ve seen the Submissive Guy comics, I love ’em. They show how the character loves the dynamic of the relationship. It’s the whole point of the comics, really. Leave it to me to constantly question “but WHY does it (being the /s/ in this whole thing) feel right?” Of course I usually follow up with “Is that normal?” Then, for some reason I have to sit and analyze and think through and come up with my thoughts on why this-or-that may be happening.
Charmer? Not a chance. “Oh, I like when we try this or make these changes or add this to the FLR or that cage or…”
I see this on some other blogs too – one person is constantly in analysis mode, the other is just “eh, whatever.”
I think this may be one of the biggest impediments to FLR for people. We spend so much time fighting a tendency that we may have toward incorporating a female led relationship that we don’t give ourselves the chance to just let it be. I don’t know if it’s society that puts that pressure on, or our own thoughts and feelings (GAH!) or what it is, but it’s a pretty big leap, at least for me, to take.
In the last 16 or so months, I’ve worked quite hard to settle into the new dynamic. Every time I just go with it, it rolls along almost magically. It’s peaceful, it’s “right.” Then, when I realize it’s happening, I have to sit back and try to figure out why it would make such a difference in my mind and in our relationship. I can’t just let it be. I have yet to figure out the why. But that’s OK.
I love taking care of Charmer, making sure she has what she needs and letting her manage the house, our lives and such. She’s amazing at the juggling act it requires on the homefront. From family to our own hobbies to us. I feel like it’s my job to facilitate that and make that as doable as possible. When we’re both firing on all cylinders, there’s nothing quite like it.
And lately, as this all settles into place quite nicely, this happens much more often than not. That’s a pretty amazing place to be.
Now if I can just figure out why it took so long to figure out we needed this change. Any why we like it so much. And why it works so well…
3 Replies to “Why Do I Analyze So Much?”
Ha! I think there’s healthy ‘why’ and paralysing ‘why’.
The difference is that the latter stops you from doing anything because you need MOAR information and MOAR thinking and MOAR analysis (analysis paralysis) and what many people do is use it as an excuse never to do anything. I think many people get stuck at that stage. So they do nothing.
I think healthy ‘why’ is when it’s in the context of the whole: “let’s do this awesome thing and while we are, I’m going to see if I can figure out why’. That stuff can be fun and enlightening and provide depth to things that might otherwise only touch the surface.
I’m very sure from what you have written that you are doing the second *smile*.
It definitely doesn’t stop us doing or trying anything, since the ‘why’ comes later usually. So, there’s that. I just am working to learn to let it be, enjoy the ride and lessen the over-analysis.
I’m getting better, but I suspect it will never go away – and I think you learn things from the consideration too, about yourself and others. I think that’s the positive outcome from it. 🙂
Thanks for stopping by!
“ Of course I usually follow up with “Is that normal?” I think that, at least for me, that is where I spend the most time in my questioning. Odd, when I came out as a lesbian I never questioned if it was all normal. I just did. I say all the time, and it’s true, that I’ve struggled far more discovering I am submissive than I did as a lesbian. I never wondered if any of it was normal.
Disclaimer: You are going to have to start ignoring my comments if they become annoying. I feel like on your blog I am looking for something but I’m not quite sure what yet.