While I could enumerate a lot of silly bad habits like biting my nails when I am really stressed or procrastination or whatever, those aren’t my real bad habit.
My worst bad habit is complacency. Not being lazy, although I am guilty of that as much as the next person, but not seeing things that are really important and putting in the effort that I should.
I tend to be busy most of the day and even at night I can’t just sit and watch TV with Snake. I will fall asleep if my brain isn’t engaged with something more than the television.
Busy sounds good. And I don’t sit well–see above–so it is me. My grandmother said that she “puttered” and my mom had “nervous energy” so I guess you know how I ended up the way that I am.
The problem comes when the busy takes over and just becomes being busy rather than accomplishing a lot. It can be reading or working or crafting which are all productive or it can end up being a lot of games on my phone or too much Minecraft. The last house that I built, Snake claimed was larger than our local Costco.
And with 2020 being what it was, busy kept me from thinking about what was going on in the world and also what we couldn’t do that we would normally be doing. Too much news just isn’t good for my brain. Add to that the fact that our house was an office for a while and I hid in busy.
What does this all have to do with complacency, Charmer?
I became incredibly complacent towards our play life. I wasn’t always enforcing rules because it was easier to let it slide. We spent more time binge watching TV series than we did playing or talking. The yoga pants were the date night attire more than the usual dresses or jeans. Games weren’t started as often and sex was less often.
In general, it wasn’t the best year for our D/s. We, Snake and Charmer, were solid. But, we didn’t do as much of the other pieces that feed our dynamic.
And most of that falls squarely on my shoulder. Instead of pushing past the meh of life and engaging us, I took the path of least resistance. It was easier to eat take out in front of the TV than plan how to have date night when we couldn’t go out. It was easier to snuggle on the couch or in bed than it was to make the effort to get out the toys. It was easier to come up with something else to do on Sundays and skip our weekly meeting.
Easier? Yes. Better? No.
So, I’m stepping forward to put good habits back in place this year. More O’s (for me, of course), more games and more teasing and denial (for him, of course). More red butts for him and more pampering for me.
Charmer is in the house….